My Spouse is Different Than Me
Do you feel you are not on the same page with your spouse? Sometimes, not even in the same book!
Do your fights feel like brain aneurisms are waiting to happen?
Do you feel like you are killing each other’s spirit instead of lifting each other up?
Have the words of “separation” or “divorce” entered your mind and your heart is hurting for what that may mean for your kids?
Marriage is hard work! It’s hard for all couples, but especially challenging for those who think and feel differently. When we are dating, the love hormones make us blind. But once those wear off, our true personality traits, beliefs, and ways of expressing ourselves as well as all the baggage we grew up with truly start interacting and the results may not always be positive.
It is heartbreaking to see two people going from “I can’t live without you” to “I can’t be in the same room with you.” It’s especially heartbreaking when there are kids involved. These kids’ entire world crumbles when their parents fight and even worse when they get a divorce.
I can’t tell you how many times I’ve heard the following in therapy sessions with my clients:
- I have no idea what happened, but we just didn’t get along anymore
- I let resentment build for too long without saying anything, and then all of a sudden, it was just too late
- I feel like I’m disowning certain parts of myself in order to be in this relationship
- We grew tired of fighting
- We trigger one another in huge ways
- I feel unsupported and unseen
- We drive each other insane over small things
- I felt like I was waking up next to a stranger; we grew apart
- We had nothing in common anymore
- We didn’t see eye to eye on anything
- The harder I pushed, the more he pulled away
In a very short, succinct, and friendly format, this book gives you the insight and actionable steps on how to rethink those differences, turn them into assets, and mediate the irreconcilable ones not only to avoid divorce, but to actually learn how to give each other the space to grow and enjoy your marriage.
Here is what you’ll be getting for the price of a Venti Latte:
- Get clear on how a lack of effective communication skills is often at the root of any conflict—THIS CAN BE CHANGED!
- How overwhelming negativity can lead to both partners becoming numb, scared, and avoidant to the point where there is no problem-solving and how to change that vicious cycle.
- Find the CLARITY on what is actually going on! Hint: attachment styles, personality traits, and deeply ingrained communication patterns are truly behind fights about “who’s not taking the garbage out”, “why he doesn’t open up”, and “why she needs to control everything.”
- Learn about concepts such as neuronal pathways (it doesn’t sound sexy, but it’s powerful), flight-or fight response (we’ve all been there), and mindsight (you’ll feel like a Jedi when you master that)—This is all about SELF-AWARENESS-now that’s a sexy topic!
- Finally, a plan to put it all together: key areas of conflict, motivating factors, a spouse job description, and some action steps to get you some relief, hope, and actual tools to bridge those differences and to give each other the space to be an individual, while still enjoying a life together.
- Oh, yeah, and since I bet one of you may not enjoy reading as much, did I mention this is a very short and succinct book? No fluff, no BS, just the right tools.
What makes me an expert?
I would love to say it’s my doctorate in clinical psychology and my experience with many difficult couples BUT the true expertise comes from 20 years with my husband who is my complete opposite from an attachment, personality, communication…and every other perspective you can think of.
Having three wonderful kids kept us together and challenged us to constantly find ways to improve and work with each other in order to continue to successfully be married under the same roof and still enjoying each other’s company.