How Many People Have You Upset Today?

Welcome to our Friday series for couples, filled with mouth-watering food pictures and insightful relationship tips, because we all know that after a while, it’s all about the food when it comes to long-term relationships.Have you ever heard this before? 10% of conflict is due to a difference of opinion but 90 % is due to the wrong tone of voice.ORIt’s not what you say, but how you say it?Last week, we talked about a passive communication style. This time, we’ll go to the other extreme, the aggressive communicator. These quotes often refer to someone who is naturally inclined or has learned to express his or her feelings, thoughts, and opinions in a very loud and hostile manner that often violates the rights of others. Despite frequently being misinterpreted as confidence, aggressive communication is also a sign of low self-esteem, an inability to function if not in full control of everything, and it is often rooted in past physical or emotional abuse. I know that if you are in this category, you may not be quick to admit it, but have you ever been accused of viewing yourself as superior and entitled? Using accusatory statements and domineering language? Making yourself feel better by putting others down?Signature moves may include being consistently critical or judgmental, showing contempt, making your partner feel inferior by belittling them, name-calling, and using sarcasm, and a cold, harsh voice. Some non-verbal characteristics may include intruding in the other’s personal space, gestures like pointing and fist clenching, crossing arms in an unapproachable manner, and scowling when angry.Aggressive people often get what they want, but deep down, they are often lonely, empty, angry, unable to enjoy life, and often in a state of paranoia that someone is always out to get them or take advantage of them.Have you ever had this experience? Or know someone that does? If you want to know more about your communication style, follow the series on Facebook and check out our free Marriage & Relationship Resource Center to learn how to communicate effectively with your spouse.ABOUT: Dr. Ruxandra LeMay is a private practice psychologist in Litchfield Park, Arizona with experience in family therapy, ADHD, stress and anxiety management, and executive coaching. She is the author of My Spouse Wants More Sex Than Me: The 2-Minute Solution For a Happier MarriageClick HERE to check out her free resources on effective communication, emotional unavailability, intimacy, and anxiety management or join her at for monthly blog posts.