The Anger Trait of Anxiety

Welcome to our Wednesday series for anxious people who have an oversensitive alarm system, whose “danger scanner” is always on, and who need a little bit of self-care and positive emotional energy by mid-week (when the tanks are starting to approach depletion). Calm nature pictures are a great way to “nurture” our insecure selves and help us stay grounded and in the moment. More often than not, I feel like I’m READY FOR A FIGHT. When I feel threatened, even a tiny bit, I have the tendency to get angry in a matter of seconds and lash out at the other person:  I snap at the other person seemingly out of the blue  I may feel like hitting, throwing, or breaking things  I can’t control the rage or the internal negative energy  I often regret my strong responses after I have some time to calm down  When I take the time to process, I realize my responses did not match the situation in intensity and they were much worse than needed  Other people perceive me as overreactive and are afraid of speaking up around me Can you relate to these examples? Many think of anxiety as causing a shy, quiet and fearful person; it’s hard to think of an aggressive person that bites your head off as an anxious person, and yet, they are very much related. Fight, freeze, or flight are all ways our fear response can show up. Aggression is very much the fight manifestation of anxiety. It’s just that it’s very difficult to empathize with an aggressive person, especially an argumentative or mean-spirited one. They truly need to be validated and calmed down and put their insecurities at ease, but it’s hard to hug a porcupine without getting hurt….and as a partner, it’s often exhausting to have to love on a person who’s constantly grumpy, who points out all of the negatives, and attacks you, indifferent of the fact that anxiety is hiding behind the appearance. Quieting down the mind, meditating, looking on the inside and figuring out what’s behind the aggression is the first stepping stone, and the responsibility falls with the anxious person…it’s all part of managing the disorder. If you want a deeper dive into Anxiety and Stress management, without committing to therapy just yet, I want to invite you to my 2-hour course, “The Overthinker's Guide To Managing Anxiety”. If you are not ready to invest time and money on individual therapy, if you are not quite ready to try out medication, but you are ready for a change, then this is a course meant for you! ABOUT: Dr. Ruxandra LeMay is a private practice psychologist in Litchfield Park, Arizona with experience in family therapy, ADHD, and stress and anxiety management. She is the author of My Spouse Wants More Sex Than Me: The 2-Minute Solution For a Happier MarriageSign up to her free Wellness Library HERE for more resources on effective communication, emotional unavailability, intimacy, and anxiety management or visit for monthly blog posts.